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Today was rough. One of those introspective, gut-wrenching, where all your emotions and thoughts collide-type day. The last couple of years, there’s been an increase of Pakistan refugees relocating to Bangkok. Others have fled and are seeking asylum here. Many are Christians and have stories of intense persecution. One individual volunteered to help in our café for a short time but was too traumatized to stay long. Several churches and faith-based organizations are reaching out to these refugees and trying to help with legal documents, housing, families being reunited, educational needs for the kids, etc. It has stirred compassion and action. There’s a huge need and believers are responding and helping. It is encouraging to see.

At the same time, there’s another huge need more sinister and hidden. During the last three years, I’ve personally seen many men fall spiritually and morally here. Leaders of ministries, couples I’ve known for years from various places. Some of the men walked away from ministry and family. Some have been repentant and are doing what it takes to repair their marriages. Five of the men are guys I knew, admired, and trusted. I considered them and their spouses true friends. One represented a previous mentor from when I lived in another place and then was relocated here. I’ve known this family almost 15 years and they have an absolutely, beautiful spiritual legacy. I had seen these families for years, walk through really difficult things with such faith and then something hideous struck. Most of the stories literally blindsided me and sent me to my knees feeling like the wind had been repeatedly lashed out of my soul. It stripped my emotions raw and I was in shock and despair for days each time it happened. Anger came afterwards. Now, residual moments of grief, distrust and cynicism still randomly appear that I have to work out. Back in 2001, when I first considered moving to Bangkok, a male leader in a Christian organization gave me some good, yet shocking advice. He said, “Thailand is where the most missionaries have fallen from any organization, male or female, single or married. If you want to go there, you need to be prepared and have a solid support system.” Why is it so many “fall?” We discussed spiritual strongholds, having integrity and more. So, there had been some for-warning and training. I knew it was possible, interceded for my brothers both single or married; discussed things openly, but it still ripped at me when it happened to my friends… and their kids that I adore. These guys knew better.

Thailand is predominately Buddhist, which does teach moral behavior right? Many Thai men study and learn at Buddhist temples for a season of time. But, polygamy has been in its history for generations and remains. On the other hand, the Thai Christians are less than 2% of the population. Scripture is very clear about adultery but there seems to be a lack of deep discipleship with men. Also, the world knows Thailand is famous for prostitution, which is stated to be illegal but allowed to exist. Porn is available online and at street vendor carts. Thai men simply do not have the best track record. Western men do not seem much different either, with some statistics saying that 70% of the men that travel to Bangkok are here for inappropriate reasons. But, my brothers, men that have obvious relationships with Jesus, falling and giving up. My mind cannot make sense of it. It’s evil. It appears so subtle at times. It’s devastating. It makes me weep. Not a few tears here or there, but it makes me double over in pain and agony for the sons of the King… but also for the sons of Adam. Where is true masculinity? Why are the enemy’s ways so appealing when such destruction is sure to follow?

Everything collided again last night as I went to the red light district and encountered three young men from Pakistan propositioning a woman. These men claim to be believers, attend a church regularly, are receiving aid from fellow Christians. Two sat beside me once in a church and flirted with me, making me and my friend quite uncomfortable. I recognized them but they played it off. It made my heart hurt. Anger surfaced and there was an intense desire to throw up there on the spot. Men, brothers, you were not created for a sexual encounter with a stranger. You were created to reflect the One and all His amazing characteristics! Men, go to these deep places in conversation with each other. Thailand and so many other places in the world desperately need good men to speak truth, life, value, respect, protection, and accountability to each other, women and children. I’m starting to lose faith in men, my brothers… and I do not want this to happen. Call me romantic, old-fashioned, prudish, whatever, I still believe you were created and destined for so much more. For the men in my life, whether they believe they have screwed up royally or not, but are remaining faithful, walking it out daily. You are treating wives, friends and others with dignity and value- I commend you. I respect you. I thank you. I want to cheer you on… to keep walking in integrity no matter what. You have no idea the weight and impact you can make on those around you by simply living like Him. The church needs you. The world may scoff at first, but it desperately needs you too. Desperately.

– Celeste